One thing I have been talking about for a while is changing the look, feel and voice of my blog. I have ideas bandied about in my head. Written on scraps of paper. Noted on the journal besides my bed. Visuals in my head. It will highlight changes of positivity and the good that happens in everyday life. But will still have an infusion of my personal life and the good/bad that goes along with “me being me.”
So today marks the first steps of that. A theme change and behind the scenes, I am still working on the final product. Change is good. Change is welcomed, and if there is one thing I need right now it is change. The word “Change” is going to be my word of the year. Probably something I hope I don’t get sick of like “fiscal cliff” and “debt ceiling.” This change will evolve deep inside me daily I hope. One little baby step at a time as I change what is wrong and institute and continue what is right in my life.
The past 24-hours have brought three different “blasts from the past” into my life. One contacted and called me out of the blue and was quite a surprise. Two of them, we have kept in contact for some time. They were all welcome distractions from a somewhat “Meh” week.
On the phone with one, we discussed our pasts “rights and wrongs” we did to each other. And we got to the deep-seeded main reason for our actions and what drives us to be how we are in our relationships. For me it has nothing to do with money, sex, lust, profession of the other. The one thing I recognize and firmly believe and want, is just the safety knowing someone is there for me. Without judgement, without doubt, fear, jealousy. Someone who thinks about you all day, can’t wait to see you when you get home, and will do anything and everything to put you first above all others.
Through all my relationships and all that I’ve been through the past couple years, that is the one thing lacking. The one thing I’ve been searching for. It won’t happen overnight, and I truly meant when I said these things will just organically happen. But this conversation opened my eyes to where I truly recognize and can verbally admit to what I’ve been searching for all this time, and have yet to find.
I guess this hit me like a ton of bricks because of all that has happened to me these past couple of weeks. Just having someone here to give me a hug and lay with me. Tell me everything is going to be alright and not want or expect anything in return.
In my heart of hearts, this one day will happen. The Romantic in me tells me there is someone out there for me like that. My Soul Mate is waiting for me, just like I am waiting for them.
So to all who may be sitting home, at their desks at work and just need a positive boost, take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Good things will happen. We will just keep our chins up, be good to ourselves and always love yourself. Because tomorrow is another day.