Sleep evades me a lot. Always been a night owl, but lately it has turned into an annoying case of insomnia. I watch the clock reach 2am, then 3am. It is during these moments where the mind starts wandering. Wandering to a time of the past and turns to the future. Who I’ve met this past year and the influences they had in my life.
I grabbed my journal, wanting to compose letters to all of those who’ve entered my life. Thanking everyone, even in the bad times, for what they have taught me about myself. But, I turned this letter into a letter to me. For it was me who succumbed to any sort of power I let them have. And it was only me who came out on the end a better person.
Dear Old You,
This year was a transformative year for you. The year where your pure and open heart let in people who have caused you pain. But you were not a victim of what transpired. You were an active participant. Although you knew you were in for more you could handle, you also knew the love and comfort you provided would come with a price. And a hefty one at that.
It opened up a wave of pain from the people you thought you loved the most and who loved you. And for the first time, a realization came upon you that people’s intention were not pure. The more you give, the more they take. And no matter how much love you give, it will always be used as a weapon against you.
But I am not telling you anything you don’t know. You have always loved with all your heart and soul. Those qualities are what endears you to so many. As you also realize now, love sometimes is not enough. Love is not enough to piece together someones weaknesses or change the person they are inside.
Yet you continue to love, continue to give and continue to hope and dream there is someone who will dive deep into your soul and find these fortunes.
So to The Old You, be blessed that all you have encountered this year has not altered those kindnesses that are buried in your heart. Just protect them more and be less ready to give all you have to offer until the right person is ready to receive them.
But on the flip side, also be more open and less judgemental to all you encounter. Do not let anger and resentment follow you and hold you back. And be open to taking responsibility for your part in your past mistakes. Because that is when you will learn the most.
You built yourself back up from the brink, and now you have the tools ready for your transformation to be complete.
The New Me